Watching Over You
by RavensAngst
Summary: Beast Boy is not what you believe, and he's going to prove it to Raven once and for all. You think you know what I mean? Well, go ahead and find out...


_Well hey all! I'm back with a new one-shot. This one is particularly close to my heart, even though it involves Raven and Beast Boy, and of course you know I like to keep them in character so it's a lot about them, but most of the feelings and actually most of the back story is from my own life. Well, my life and the love of my life's life as well, so…Thanks in advance for all who end up reviewing –and I hope that will be all of you!_

_Disclaimer: I forgo the standard disclaimer…you all know I don't own the Titans. Though also, as you all know, that would be really cool…

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I watch her. She doesn't know I watch her, but I do. Well, observe is more like it really. She's such a fascinating creature, it is just hard not to. I slink next to her window and watch her. Every small movement of her hands, every arch of her brow, every frustrated pursing of her lip I take in as if memorizing one thousand tiny pictures that make up the entirety of her beautiful form. Then I wait until she is gone to sneak into even the smallest of places. I know she reads books all of the time, but I want to know which ones. I want to devour every word just as she has, though half of the time my mind just drifts off dreaming of her so I barely get any reading done, but that's not the point.

She writes too! I didn't know that before. I don't think she really wants anyone to know because on each page there are scratches and edits and little notes that in small ways berate what she had just written, but I think it is the most beautiful prose I have ever read in my entire life! One would have imagined that everything she thought was dark and dreary, but much of her eloquent poetry sings of happiness and light. All I can guess is that she is overwhelmed by how she must portray herself to the world that her inner thoughts burst on to the page with no holding back. She must feel as though at least she wont hurt anyone this way. Not only that, but every facet of her personality bursts out on to the page in a way that I never thought I would ever see. I could never understand her before quite as I do now, though goodness knows I already know so much about her that it feels as though I've seen her innermost being my entire life.

But I must run before she sees me. If she knew that I was watching her then all I have done would be for naught. All I want to do is to get to know her a bit better. That's all I've ever wanted. I know otherwise she would never let me in, not fully. Why? Because to her and to the rest of the world, I appear to be someone I'm not. To them I am but a child, but it is more than that. I've never been normal. The world has never accepted me for who I am. If they all knew the real me, they'd probably die of shock, or they might reject me even further. So I put on this charade. I play the part of the boy, of the clown, of the one who is eager to please, because that is how they see me. That is how I can hide.

I'm not a boy, nor am I a man. I'm not really that good at telling jokes, though I won't let anyone else know that. I don't like to please others as much as I let on, but it is much easier to manipulate people into believing you are a certain way when they like you and trust you. I'm also much smarter than I look, but really, who would believe that? I can't make anyone understand that I inherited this genius, this talent, this…anything because no one believes a word that I say. Even when I start in with an intelligent conversation they just look at me as if I'm cocky, or just showing off by using "big words", or that my ego has run rampant and taken over. Of course, I don't want to appear like that either because no one would respect me.

As it is now, I am barely respected by very few because of what I can do for them and the abilities that I _do_ possess that they can see –it's hard to hide _every_ part of myself. But I know that even _that_ I can't overdo. If they knew that I really _could_ take out every criminal by myself –as I have the mental capacities to think through an entire scenario before it's ever played out and see the consequences of any action that I take- then I would lose even the small handful of people that I am able to call friends.

But _she_ has the potential to know me. She has the understanding and the depth of soul within her to know and understand the real me. She is the greatest person I have ever had the chance to witness –not just the greatest girl. There's just something about her that I can't comprehend and yet, I can understand it all as well. She's an anomaly just like me. So special that she too feels "outside" of the world. I know this and I want to tell her that I know; I want to tell her how I feel; I just want to tell her everything. But I'm scared. I'm scared of what her reaction may be. I know deep down that she'll understand -if she lets herself, but what if she succumbs to the world's view of me and just scoffs at any idea of the _real_ me? I don't know if I could take that. But then again, I must say _something_…eventually, or I may just go insane from wondering.

I climb out the window getting one leg out first, but just as I'm pulling the other one over, my pant leg becomes caught in a crack in the sill. "Oh holy hell!" I curse as I try in vain to rend the now extremely stuck denim from it's resting place. "Makes sense on the one day I'm trying to chill out by wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I have to pay for it. Must I _always _be on my guard?" I grumble quietly to no one in particular. And as fortune would have it –or _misfortune, _as I should say- at that moment, Raven appears out of the darkness and flips down her hood. I try once more to tear myself from the window in the split second her back is turned and…success! But I have little time to celebrate as she turns her head to the noise.

"Beast Boy!" she nearly screams.

"Uh Raven…hi," I say sheepishly.

"What are you doing in my room?" she asks, anger creeping to the surface as I observe her hands balling into fists and her nails digging into the flesh of her palms.

"Well, uh, technically I'm not really _in_ your room," I joke, scratching the back of my head nervously. Her lovely violet eyes grow cold as she focused them into a glare that shoots right through my heart. '_Oh my gosh, she hates me. Great. No matter what I say now, I may have just ruined any chance I have with her,_' I think coldly.

Her nails dig deeper into her flesh as she focuses her voice into an even tone, "I'm going to ask you again…what are you doing in my room?"

"Oh, well, I um…" as my mouth fights hard for a believable answer, my mind wanders off. I think of everything. Everything I have done to her, said to her, seen of her, everything. All I can hope is that up till now, she did not notice my intent. That she did not notice that I was watching her. Every time I would see her in the large common room, she would take the focus of my attention…at least intermittently. Every time that I would lose in a video game to Cyborg, it wasn't because I was truly conquered. Yes, Cyborg is a very intelligent man and occasionally the battles which we engage in are very heated and he's truly very close to defeating me, but it was always Raven that distracted me from my then goal of winning. I would catch small glimpses of her while she was reading and she would just take my breath away. By the time I would regain full consciousness I would turn back to the game and find Cyborg dominating the action. It would then take me an hour to regain momentum only to finally lose in the end after becoming distracted by Raven's beautiful quirkiness once again.

And though I know how very capable I am of defeating villains, when I'm around her my brain kind of ends up going slightly numb anyway and it's like I stutter through the motions. Thus I end up looking incompetent and incapable. I really do wish to impress her; I just can barely even speak to the point where I don't sound like a complete moron when she's in my vicinity.

So, now, when I need my actually well-rounded vocabulary, it fails me. The only thing I can say to her now is, "…I'm testing the structure of these windows. Really good sturdy stuff," which is punctuated by myself knocking on the metal, "No one's going to break in here…goodnight." I start to rush off, changing myself into a hawk so that I can more easily create my escape and I'm about to make it up to the next floor to safety when I feel a tug on my tail feathers. I am helpless to stop the expanding black hand of dark matter as it pulls me back to the scene of my "crime".

"Beast Boy you're going to tell me why you were in my room right now or you will regret it in ways so horrible your small mind cannot fully comprehend them," she nearly growls at me as she throws me onto the floor.

I'm recovering from the hurtling and I decide that now it's time to just tell her the truth as I see her glowering over me with her cloak wrapped tightly around her making her look even more menacing than usual, "Raven, I…"

She interrupts me, "No excuses!"

I shake my head and stare up at her eyes from the floor, "I'm sorry." Her eyes garner this look of "huh?" so I move on, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you and I'm not trying to make you angry. I just wanted to know more about you." Again, her eyebrow rises, "Well, you never let anyone in. You're interesting and beautiful and brilliant and fascinating and I just couldn't let anymore time pass letting that slip through my fingers." She seems to gasp slightly as I say beautiful, but tries not to show any more emotion than that.

I take in a deep breath myself as I prepare for the speech of my life, "I've watched you, in truth, since the day you came into my life, but I've wanted you longer. Raven, my entire life, I've felt like I've been missing something. Like I wasn't complete. Like I had this whole other side of me that had yet to be discovered and until it was, I could never truly be myself. When I found you, or more appropriately when you found me, I knew that you were special. That you could understand. That you could fill the void that was 'my other half'. When I'm near you I am whole and better for it. Like I finally don't need to hide. Like I finally don't have to care what the world thinks of me because as long as _you_ think that I'm okay, then I _will_ be. Raven I love you. I've always loved you and I know that. It just took me a while to find you so that I could actually say it to you is all."

Raven is visibly aghast at what I have said to her, and I wasn't expecting her not to be. It was a lot for _anyone_ to take in, much less this incredible girl standing in front of me. Finally after what seems like hours she speaks, "So, what movie did you see _that_ in?"

Now it is my turn to look confused. "No movie love," I say defensively, "That came straight from my heart."

Raven gets this frightened look on her face and turns away quickly so that I cannot see –even though I know exactly what she's doing. "I don't believe you. I don't believe a word that you say," her words start to break and I hear her sniff as she stifles back the oncoming emotion, "I…I can't."

"Why not my love?" I counter.

"Stop saying that!" she yells as she whips her head around and quickly wipes away her tears, "You don't call me that. Especially not after all you've gone through with Terra!" She stops as I visibly cringe at her words; I knew she would bring that up, but I let her continue before explaining. As she regains composure, I see a black aura surround her hands that are now remade into fists, "Anyway, how can all of these things be coming out of _your _mouth? I've never heard you talk like that. You _had_ to have memorized it from somewhere. There's no way something that sweet, and sensitive, and intelligent could come from _you_. And all of this stuff you say about me, even if it _isn't_ just a recitation, it just can't be true. I've never done anything to deserve that kind of compliment."

"That's just the point!" I exclaim giddily as I grab both of her hands in mine, "You've never had to _do_ anything for me to love you. You've just had to be you," she flinched a bit at this, but did not remove her hands from mine, "Your heart shows itself to me, even though you don't realize it. You're mind is like a wonderful maze of tricks and puzzles that I could happily get lost in. Your soul embodies the presence of all that one can feel in this world -the good and the bad. You carry within you so much that I can barely comprehend how you can deal with the emotional repercussions and yet you do it every day."

"As for _me_ being the one to say these things, well, I have to let you in on a little secret. I'm much smarter than I look and appear to be to the outside world. I technically have an IQ of 161, but I've been so ostracized for it in the past that I've become accustomed to hiding that part of myself," at this, I dip my head and look into her downcast eyes, "…I'm sure you know how that feels." She glances at me long enough to raise one eyebrow then looks back down. I decide not to push it…yet, "So, I've learned and remember more things than should be normally possible for someone my age and I've lived what seems two lifetimes already. I just do not say these things to others because I know no one would understand. Everyone just dismisses me as if I am of no consequence, as if I cannot do what is expected of me, and thus I just became what they wanted instead of fighting it out. It became a constant struggle to try to prove my worth to everyone else, but I finally figured out that 'everyone else' didn't deserve having anything proven to them. Everyone but you that is."

With the growing strength that I have in me because of my feelings for her, I barge right in to _the_ touchy subject so that I can better help her understand. "About Terra," I start and she lifts her head for one moment so that I know she's listening, but that is all for now, "yes, I wanted her. I found her quite charming and cute and a little off the cuff. Not really like you of course, but you barely gave me the time of day, and so when she paid attention to me, I thought, 'Well, you really haven't had any experience with anyone yet, maybe you should take this chance and see what could come of it.' And even though I was still totally in love with you at this point, I decided it would be better to try, then not ever know what might happen. I also knew that I had to be more careful with you and your feelings, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, if you saw that I could have a real relationship and wasn't a total loser to the female sect that you might have the slightest bit of interest in me." I pause at this, as I finally catch just the slightest glimpse of a smile in the corner of her mouth, which I only assume came from the fact that I was trying to impress her like I always do, and once again was failing miserably, "When I finally saw her for who she was, a scheming siren, it was to late to change the fact that I'd already lost your trust even more in ways. I never meant to hurt you by reaching out to her. I only meant to take a chance that was so temptingly offered. Please forgive me."

She finally looks up into my eyes, still not saying one word, but at the same time speaks volumes in the movements of her eyes. It's as if for one moment, she searches my soul to find that I am telling only the truth. "This chance that I'm taking with you, it's something I've wanted forever, I've just never conceived that I would be allowed to have it. Raven, I need you in my life more than anything. More than just a colleague, more than just a confidante, more than a lover, I need you as my soul's true and honest mate. You don't have to say yes, but please don't say no. At least consider what I have said to you and if in the end, you've had time to assess everything and you still don't think you could handle dealing with such a screwed up human being…or well, whatever it is that I am, then I will just have to deal with that, but please, don't just dismiss me. I know I haven't been the best person in the world to you up to this point, but I think I deserve at least a bit more respect than that."

She opens her mouth as if to speak, but instead she rocks forward onto her tiptoes and brings her lips to mine in the most amazing kiss I could ever hope to have received in the short amount of time I have technically been placed upon this earth. I am almost so shocked that I forget to kiss her back, but thankfully my brain functions kick in at just the right time and I tilt my head slightly so that her lips can fully contact with mine. And then, there is nothing else, just the heat of the moment, pure passion that she and I both bring to each other's senses.

Thinking ahead, so as not to rush her into feeling one way too quickly, I pull away first. I hold her shoulders at arm's length and I catch her eyes once more…her gorgeous sparkling eyes of…no, to the task at hand, "Raven? Are you…"

But before I can even finish my question she curtly interrupts me, "I'm fine. Look, I don't know what's happening, I don't understand it and I can't comprehend it, all I can do is just feel this energy welling up deep inside of me and it scares me. When I searched your soul, I finally found that these things that you were telling me are true. That made me feel special and wanted and something just took over, but we can't do this. If I lose myself, if I give in to these feelings that I have with you, then something might get loose and it could get you killed. I know that I'm not a tool anymore for my father, he's gone, I _can_ be free, but that still doesn't mean that something really bad can't happen. I've kept these things buried for too long. I don't know _what _could happen if I just allowed myself to realize that who you say you are is who you truly are, and allowed my feelings to take over."

All of this comes out of her mouth in one quick rush of placid emotion and I have to nearly shake her to get her out of her stupor, "Raven. Raven my love. You don't have to worry about that anymore. I'll be here to help you. You don't have to do everything by yourself anymore. Allow me to be your moderator sometimes too."

"But I don't want to hurt you…or anyone else," she quickly stammers.

I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her, completely engulfing her frame within my being, "The only way you could ever hurt me, is by not allowing me to be able to be there for you. I love you Raven. I know it may still be hard for you to hear, but it's never been hard for me to say and I don't believe I'll ever become tired of saying it in the future. You and I, we're going to be okay. You've searched me now, finally, inside and out. You know that when I say this, I know it with all of my heart. So please, just say you trust me, and you'll never need to worry about hurting those you care for again."

"I can't do this!" She cries, as she pushes away from me, in the direction of the open window in a last desperate attempt to save herself from having to lose control, "I can't believe you, I can't trust you, I don't even _know_ you! Not the you as you are, not yet."

"Oh, but you do," I say quietly as I slowly walk over to the beautiful, yet tear ridden girl, "You know all too well Raven. As I mentioned before, I know you. I knew you were capable of understanding me, from the moment that I met you. You know it too. Tonight is not the first time you've searched my heart. I've felt you inside of me once before, I recognized the feeling, you just don't wish to admit it. All of the instincts that you had, they were wrong, right? And that scared you, and so it was easier to just deal with the Beast Boy that you thought I was, rather than the person that I actually am. I know it Raven. Just admit it." I stand behind her, hands lightly caressing both shoulders, as I lean forward to whisper in her ear, "Tell the truth for once and let your soul finally be free."

At this she whips around and I think she's about to let me have it, but instead, she pullsherselftoward me in the most passionate kiss I could have ever imagined, more so even than whatever emotion I felt the first time she kissed me. It is as if she will never let go of me, as if she is desperately clinging to the only thing that can keep her tethered to this earth (actually quite literally also, as in the shocked moment, I have no time to close my eyes and I see her levitating several inches in the air). As I recover from the surprise and allow what is to happen, happen –and happily I might add, I know that she is finally allowing herself to be free, totally free at least once in her life. And though I know there will be struggles in the future, I can't help but smile. I have my Raven. The one. The one I knew I could trust. The one I know I will trust for years to come. The one I've known I would love since I was first introduced to the concept. The one I've seen inside and out. The one I will be more than just _watching_ in the future.

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_Please, please -I can't ask it enough of you all-…Review. I like hearing what you think. This time anything goes, just please, don't mock the pairing. You knew what it was coming in…_


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